Category: Musings


Celebrity Suicide: I Don't Care.

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I KNOW PAIN

I have played

   the love game

once or twice

   sometimes its

just a roll

     of the dice

sometimes the deck

  is stacked

 

Pain the one constant

  in my life

sometimes debilitating

  ibuprofen to morphine

 know pain intimately

  knife cut bone marrow biopsy

death of a child

  broken heart

Pain the constant in my life

   sharp stabbing

dull throbbing

   they say you can’t remember pain

but you can’t forget

  I go nights without

sleep

   till my body

shuts down

 

   I am a type A

trapped trying

  to be type B

at night my body

   attacks

I lie awake

  till the tremors

after all its

  not an emergency

and I can’t move anyway

 

  I have played

the love game

   once or twice

just like pain

   U miss it when its not there

my body betrays me

   just like my heart

I know pain

Blood stained eye sockets

for tears

that can’t or never will

and I miss me

 

The heart that

made me miss

her touch

her kiss

torments my soul

 

my memories of her

linger but never fade

 

I have hungered for

lusted for

and married for

 

Blood stained eye sockets

 for tears

that can’t or never will

fall

 

And I miss me /her

I set her free

 

Blood stained face

of tears that should have

but didn’t

 

Tears solve what

I look at the ring

that’s not there

 

The memories of tomorrow

while my finger fades

 

Blood stained eye sockets

for tears

that cant or never will

 

My memories  

her touch

my memories of

tomorrow

 

Blood stained eye sockets

for tears that never will

could never be

 

Blood stained eye sockets

cleared

she smiles

I smile

ARMS WIDE OPEN

Memories of tomorrow

 

Reality

 

The part of me

that never faded

never died

 

Rain falls

it gets cold

blood stained eye sockets

never more

 

3 am

another sleepless night

 

I think about her

And miss her

 

so I roll over

and pretend

 

its her

but its not      

 

and she has no clue

so I get up

 

to write

or paint

 

and she gets mad

because I get up

 

to write

or paint

 

4 am

 

coffee and cognac

and a fight

 

the best thing

about being alone

 

is being alone

but I’m not

 

im with her

but its not her

 

another sleepless night

 

 

 

 

 

LOVE FADES

it always fades

   to black

love is a fantasy

    reality always

always

   steps in

hearts break

     lovers die

it always fades

   to black

the audience claps

   the curtain falls

fade to black

   lifetime lovers

they never die

  together

one is always

  left alone

love fades

  to black

 

THE BRIDGE

Pour out the powder

bones rattling

strike the match

 

I cross the bridge

fire follows

no turning back

 

The bones rattle

I drag them along

the dusty trail

 

Memories dreams, hopes

carve grooves in the ground

the bridge falls

ONE DAY IN THE LIFE

pain is the one

   constant in my life

guaranteed to show up

   I use to pray

now I pray

   for the pain to stop

 

the musician stands alone

   silhouetted against

the setting sun

   waiting for me

playing

   a melancholy song

 

the heat

   the heat

my body floats away

   from itself

shadows run beneath

   my feet

I am not myself today

   my throat is dry

I cannot drink enough

   water

CONFLICT

I am conflicted

   my words are

fighting my paints

   the pencils and pens

are dueling with

   my paintbrushes

the computer records

   it all

I sit mesmerized

 

the restlessness

   has come back

time to be moving

the painting

   and writing

just covers

   a hole

time to go

 

SHE SMOKES

 

She smokes constantly

   in the beginning

as if I didn’t know

   so why does

it matter so now?

 

Hair undone

 dirty dishes

the circle begins

   inevitable break-up

my porcelain beauty’s

   flaws show

reality sets in

   trapped

 

She gives me that look

   she smokes constantly

as if didn’t know

   ooohs and aaaaaahs

sweat dripping

   release

she lights up

   she smokes constantly

 

A COLD PLACE

If I was capable of tears

    i would weep oceans

The love I had I sent away

    the right thing to do

Also the wrong thing

    an untenable position

 

My heart empty

   i go to the ocean

Sip on a single malt

   write a note

Throw it in the ocean

 

 

The world  

   a cold, cruel place

To many lovers

   not enough love

Faces with no names

   one face sticks out

One face one memory

The world 

   a cold cruel place

 

Sitting on the beach

   watching the sunrise

A bottle floating

   as the tide comes in